I Don’t Believe It – the annoying world of beer

Today feels like a venting day.

I’ve cleaned the missus’s car which was quite appallingly dirty. I can only assume that she is secretly keeping large dogs or acting as some kind of industrial soil transport contractor.

I endured a half an hour visit to the super massive Tesco off of the M32, having missed the junction first time and driven around in circles for 20 minutes prior to that.

And I’ve picked up my haul of 6 Hop, Green Hop and Belgian IPA Darkstar from work because the UK postal service is incapable of delivering a box and leaving it in a previously arranged safe place outside my house.

A generally productive day but one tinged with frustration.

My beer updates have been rare lately. Truth is I’ve been hugely busy with a “new” job which means travelling back and forth from London. It’s not remotely beer related but has come about partly as a result of my beer writing, which is pretty positive stuff and I am really enjoying it.

Whilst time has been at a premium, so have beer related ideas. I made a conscious decision when I started this website to only write about interesting things. And I haven’t really been able to think of anything interesting to write about.

In fact, a lot of things about beer have been annoying me quite a lot lately. So much so that I thought I’d just put them all on the table in a kind of Beer Bloggers’ Anonymous format in the hope that it will clear my head of beery negativity. So here, in no particular order, are my Top Ten Beer Rants:

Abusing Twitter for personal gain

I’m of the opinion that if someone says something nice about you on Twitter then you should say thanks and sit back in reflective glory. You don’t need to RT the complement. Also, if you write something somewhere on the interweb then let your followers know about it but don’t go asking people for RTs. It’s a bit pathetic and desperate.

Video beer reviews

Are these things real? Do people actually watch them? Sniffing the glass like you’re a wine critic, sloshing the beer around your mouth, talking about grass and cat’s piss. These people clearly don’t have any friends to go to the pub with. They’re just so so bad.

Trying to make beer something it isn’t

Beer is not wine, it doesn’t have to be paired with food and it’s not a cocktail ingredient. It’s beer, it’s great and it doesn’t need rebranding.

People baulking at high strength beer

If I drink 8% beer it doesn’t mean I’m sitting on turbo island with my local drinking buddies. People drink 12% wine nearly every day of their lives without ending up in a hedge in someone else’s garden. Stop judging me.

Rockstar brewers

Brewing can be a hectic, isolated occupation. If you’re a small operation selling in-demand products, you might work 14 hour days, 6 days a week. So it’s not surprising that you might lose touch with reality a bit. Craft beer has an element of the “new rock and roll” about it so it figures that some brewers may get a touch of the rockstars about them. We love what you do but we’re not picking out all the blue M&Ms for you.

Overhyped breweries

Bigging up breweries before you’ve even tasted their beer. Really?!

Innovative beers

Unless you’re making a snail flavoured brew with liquid nitrogen, it’s probably been done before. The old ideas are always the best anyway.

Unimaginative real ale pubs

If you say you sell “fine real ales” but the furthest your imagination stretches is Butcombe, Doombar and Tribute then the furthest my wallet stretches is “not very fucking far”.

No pump clips

Your black board beer list looks lovely and everything but I like pump clips. They’re a pretty good indication of how good the beer might be. Cartoon half dressed lady – shitty brown and twiggy. Graphic designer’s wet dream – unbalanced IPA. Clean, smart and modern – probably pretty decent. I want pump clips back please, they look good and someone’s spent time making them.

Last but not least, people who think I’m a beer snob

Erm……well…..er……I’m not, honest. Ultimately, pubs are for meeting pals in and having a good time. I’d rather have good company in a shit pub with shit beer than uncomfortable silence in a destination beer bar. I drank shit beer for 15 years, I can manage another few pints.

Right, so I’m glad I’ve got that off my chest. Sorry if I’ve offended anyone (I’m not). I love you all really! Have a good Sunday.

Feel free to rant at me and call me a miserable prick @bluegiantbeer

13 thoughts on “I Don’t Believe It – the annoying world of beer

  1. Yup, all very true.

    As much as I love beer, I’m finding the whole ‘craft’ scene increasingly amusing – at the end of the day all we’re actually doing is getting pished

  2. I may be totally incorrect here but the postal service or couriers have to by law obtain a signature for beer by an over 18 year old, id should also be seen if the postie has any doubts otherwise you are pretty much breaking rule after rule in the licensing handbook.I say this as i am a personal licence holder.I dont know if you have children but how would you feel if a child got hold of that beer from your safe place and ended up in the local A&E having their stomach pumped.As much as i think the postal service is rubbish i think sending beer through the post is filled with problems. This is my rant over,please feel free to correct me if i am wrong.

    • Hmm, not sure. Laithwaites don’t seem to have a problem leaving a box of (far larger quantity and far more alcoholic) wine outside without a signature.

      It’s a very safe place and I wouldn’t have anyone leave it there if there was any possibility of it going missing.

      But yeah, I’m sure it’s all a lot more complicated than I imagine it to be. Just bored of having to drive to work to pick up my beer!

      • I doesnt matter how safe it is ,if you have purchased it from online shop say ,it needs a signature by a 18+ year old. It is a bit like a kid of 10 going in a off licence and asking for a bottle of whisky and when challenged by the owner going its not for me its for my grandad who is 80. If you have signed up for Laithwaites and a member of a wine club that might be a loophole but ethically not really correct or they dont tell the courier what is actually inside the box.If i was to sell you beer i would not leave it in a shed a dustbin or any other safe place as what happens if you said you hadnt received it and the post or courier working on my behalf said they had delivered it?!better to be safe than sorry is my motto good luck with Grillstock.

  3. “Bigging up breweries before you’ve even tasted their beer. Really?!”

    Does this happen much? I’ve seen people say “looking forward to trying this” or “these guys seems to have an interesting angle”, and that’s OK, isn’t it?

    Whereas Empire magazine all but endorses films months before they’ve even come out.

  4. Pingback: Believe It – the wonderful world of beer | BlueGiantBeer Bristol Beer Blog

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